Make up a phony fight story involving the last 2 posters

[Clarence]

Ok, this is a very simple game, but is slightly hard to explain.

Basically you look at the last 2 people who posted in this thread... and make up a phoney fight that happened between them, and make sure you point out who won.

Like for example, if semaj posted before you, and I posted before Semaj: Me and Semaj were the last two posters, so you would use us, like this example:

"Semaj and Clarence started fighting each other with rusty golf clubs, semaj swung his gulf club at Clarence wildly, but was blinded by the sun, and Clarence kicked him off a cliff and into some power lines...

Winner = Clarence"

Good luck everyone, and thanks for playing!

SCORE BOARD OF CHAMPIONS!!!!

Nameless = 5 victories
gorak = 4 victories
Semaj = 3 victories
Clarence = 3 victories
D DEBBS = 3 victories
Jamie = 1 victory
Talking Pie = 1 victory



New Rule: There has to be a winner! No ties, or both winners, or random winners that aren't suppose to be involved in the fight. If you break this guideline the scoreboard simply gets screwed up as I won't count "both" as a winner.

[Talking Pie]

Talking Pie beats the shit out of Clarence for creating another retarded Noiseland thread!

winner=TP

[Clarence]

Talking Pie vrs Clarence

Talking pie tries to punch Clarence, but his massive mussles absorb the impact, and Talking Pie's arm breaks upon impact, sending one of his sharp broken arm bones into his face, killing him instantly.

Clarence Wins!

[D DEBBS]

Clarence VS. Talking Pie

Annoyed once again for creating yet another post on the NHC message board, Talking Pie decides to employ the use of my cat, Tyrant, who sneaks up behind him...but, because he is the same name of a famous crossed-eyed lion, declared 'professional courtesty'...and ATTACKS TALKING PIE INSTEAD!

Talking Pie LOSES...TYRANT ACTUALLY WINS FOR CLARENCE!

[Clarence]

D DEBBS VRS Clarence

Clarence is typing away on his computer about to start yet another wonderful and amazing game thread, and D DEBBS kicks his face into the monitor, causing a pretty explosion and making it rain glass, broken monitor pieces, and blood.

Huh.... I seem to have lost this match.... damn you sneaking up on me like that D DEBBS. Cheap. Real cheap.

D DEBBS wins.

[Semaj]

Clarence vs. D DEEBS

D DEEBS is about to use her right-hand cat, Tyrrant, to slice the hell out of Clarence. But alas, Clarence has brought some nail clippers, and just as Tyrrant is about to finish the job, his claws are trimmed, rendering him completely defenseless.

Clarence wins.

[Jamie]

Clarence vs. Semaj

Semaj goes to Clarence's house and smashes his computer with a comically boxing glove and chops off his hands for good measure

Humanity wins!

[D DEBBS]

Jamie VS. Semaj

Constantly having headaches due to trying to read his backwards writings, Jamie cold cocks Semaj with a dictionary-whoa, whoa, whoa, Jamie's NOT crying!

Jamie wins...this time...

[gangman]

D DEBBS ~vs~ jamie
D DEBBS starts off with a punch to the head. jamie is thrown backwards but then uses his super fart gas to paralzye D DEBBS and smacks her with a 9 iron! D DEBBS isn't paralzyed anymore and unleaches tyrant on jamie! while tyrant is attacking jamie D DEBBS charges her B.Y.B.O (blow your brains out). jamie defeats tyrant and charges at
D DEBBS, D DEBBS fires the B.Y.B.O and burns him untill he is nothing but a pile of bacon. after the fight she feeds the bacon to tyrant

The winner: D DEBBS!..........until the next match

[Nameless]

gangman vs. D DEBBS

It turns out nobody actually cares what happens either way, so the fight is abandoned.

[Semaj]

Gangman vs. Nameless

Gangman begins to psyche Nameless out with his Klingon langauge, but Nameless manages to save face by running him over with her bicycle.

Nameless wins.

[D DEBBS]

Semaj VS. Nameless

Ticked off because he is nameless, Semaj does his trademark fighting move: the backwards kick. Nameless feels 'nameless' because he now has amnesia.

Questioning Semaj who he is, Semaj tells Nameless that his name is now "Toilet."

Semaj wins!

[Nameless]

D DEBBS vs. Semaj

Nameless, annoyed that D DEBBS did not bother to read the 'gender' field on her profile, rigs the fight so Semaj wins.

Semaj...wins.

[garret]

Nameless vs. Gorak

Nameless and Gorak get into a fight over the meaning of existence. Nameless pulls a knife on Gorak and stabs him in the stomach. Gorak pretends to be bleeding to death and as she's turned away, he grabs her ankle and pulls her to the ground, he gets up, thinking that she's unconscious. Turns out, she was faking it, she crawled over and grabbed a shovel, and knocked him unconscious.

Winner: Nameless

[D DEBBS]

Gorak VS. Nameless

Nameless, feeling that she is fighting against a "damn, dirty ape" from 'Planet of the Apes', entices Gorak with a banana.

Gorak reaches for the 'potassium peel-n-eat', but Nameless sucker punches Gorak by kicking him in the nuts.

Outcome: Nameless gets BANANA NUTS!

[gangman]

gorak VS D DEBBS
gorak kicks D DEBBS into a knife stall then pisses in her coffee
winner:gorak

[garret]

gangman vs. D DEBBS

gangman trys to steal D DEBBS' lucky charms, she doesn't take to kindly to this and sicks her cat on him.

Winner: D DEBBS

[Nameless]

gangman vs. Gorak

Since gangman does not use capital letters, he has the disadvantage. Gorak crushes gangman with his gigantic capital letters and wins.

Winner: Gorak

[D DEBBS]

Nameless Vs. Gorak

Discovering that Nameless is a girl, Gorak attacks her from behind to give her some good o'l fashioned butt-love, but, believing he is playing leap frog with her, Nameless raises herself from the waist up, thus Gorak crashes into a wall and becomes a bloody mess.

Winner-Nameless

[garret]

D DEBBS vs. Nameless

Nameless is is sitting on a park bench when all of the sudden D DEBBS comes up and starts beating the crap out of her with a broom, Nameless defends herself by inflating her built in airbag, D DEBBS is knocked into the sun.

Winner: Nameless

[George]

D DEBBS vs. Gorak
(If anyone gets offended blame yourself. You are the one being offended, after all!)

Gorak attempts to punch D in the crotch, but stops halfway realising it would not hurt. D takes this chance to pull out a chainsaw at takes a jab at G; she misses and saws off her own foot :( G gets a liposuction machine, Curtis, and a leaf blower and showers D with lumpy, lumpy fat. This sets her back, and pushes her into an electric fence. Completely bored at this stage, D slits her wrists.

Gorak does a little (victory) dance, makes a little love (with D's lifeless body) and gets down tonight.

[garret]

Gorak vs. Geurge

Gearge gives Gorak that "I'm-going-to-rape-you-in-the-ass-while-you-sleep" look. Gorak responds in a fit of rage and starts throwing anything and everything at Geirge, Gerge starts crying and says that he'll rape Curtis instead, out of disguist, Gorak crushes Geyrge in the head with a rock.

Winner: Gorak

[Nameless]

George vs. Gorak

As both are members of the "People Whose Names Begin With The Letter 'G'" club, they both concede the fight.

Winners: Both

[D DEBBS]

George Vs. Gorak

Forced to fight because of the creator of this message board told them to do so, the G-Force collaborated....and defeated Clarence!

Winners: Gorak and George...THE G FORCE!

[gangman]

D DEBBS vs Nameless
D DEBBS ties 20 inches of rope round namelesses bellys then ties 10 inches of twine round his neck and ties the ends to the empire state building then throws him off it
winner D DEBBS

[garret]

gangman vs. D DEBBS

D DEBBS sicks a panda on gangman, this panda rapes him to death.

Winner: D DEBBS

[Lisa's First Word]

Gorak VS Gangman

Gorak tried to choke Gangman, but Gangman twisted his wrist

Gangman wins

[Gatorgod]

Lisa's first word ~Vs~ Gangman

Lisa's 1st Word Hits Gangmans Right fist with her Stomach
Than punches Gangmans Left fist with her throat
and finally, Lisa's 1st Word kicks gangmans foot with her groin...

Lisa's 1st Word celebrates by collapsing to the ground and victoriously bleeds to death! :yell:

[D DEBBS]

Gator God VS. Lisa's First Word

Accompanied by enterance music ('Amos Moses', a.k.a. 'Alligator Stomp' by Jerry Reed), Gator God struts into the ring, but Lisa's First Word sneaks up from behins Gator God, yanks his tail, thus causing him to fall down.

Taunting the now dizzyheaded reptile with ADD, Lisa's First Word says to Gator God:
"BART!"-her rallying cry, upon which the fans outside the 'squared circle' shout back "BART!"

Lisa's First Word raises her starfish-coiffed head and wears a giant self-satisfied smirk, but Gator God, making like a postcard at a gas station, bites Lisa's First Word right on her pompous ass!

The winnah...Gator God!

[Gatorgod]

D Debbs ~Vs~ Gatorgod

In the laid-back California town of sunny San Rafael
Lived a girl named D Debbs (you probably knew her well).
She was stoned 35 of her 44 years and a story was widely told
How she could smoke 'em faster than anyone could roll.

Well, her legend finally reached Florida, that Swamp Infested flat
Where dwelt the Gatorgod, a natual born Gator as a matter of fact.
He'd been rolling dope since time began - now he took a cultured toke -
And said, "I can roll 'em faster than any chick can smoke."

So a note gets sent to San Rafael for the championship of the world.
The Lizard demands a smoke-off ! "Well bring him on !" says The Girl.
"I'll grind his fingers off his hands. He'll roll until he drops."
Says gatorgod..., "I'll smoke that chick 'til she blows up and pops."

So they rent out Yankee Stadium and the word is quickly spread,
"Come one, come all, who walk or crawl - tickets just two lids a head."
And from every town and hamlet over land and sea they speed -
The world's greatest dopers with the world's greatest weed.

their was Hashish from Morocco, hemp smokers from Peru,
And the shashniks from Bagoon who smoke the deadly pugaru,
See the dealers and their ladies wearing turquoise, lace, and leather.
See the narcos and the closet smokers puffing all together.
From the teenies who smoke legal to the ones who've done some time
To the old man who smoked "reefer" back before it was a crime.

And the grand old house that Ruth built is filled with the smoke and cries
Of 50,000 screaming heads all stoned out of their minds.
And they play the national anthem and the crowd lets out a roar
And the spotlight hits the Gator and Debbs - ready for their smoking war.

At a table piled up high with grass as high as a mountain peak,
Just tops and brims of the rarest flowers - not one stem, branch, or seed.
I mean Maui Wowee, Panama Red, Acapulco Gold,
Kheef from east Afghanistan and that rare Alaska Cold.
There's walking tops and Kenya bhang and Riviera fleurs
And that rare Manhattan Silver that grows in the New York sewers.

And the Gator, he smiles, and DDebbs, she just grins,
And the drums roll low, and the crowd yells "GO !!"
And the world's first smoke-off begins.

Well the Gator, he flicks his fingers once and zap! - that first joint's
rolled!
D Debbs takes one toke with her famous lungs and whoosh! - that roach is cold.
Then the Gator, he rolls his super-bomb that would paralyze a moose,
And Debbs, she takes one mighty hit and whoosh! - that bomb's defused.
Then he rolls three in just ten seconds and she smokes them up in nine
And everybody sits back and says, "Hey, this might take some time."

See the blur of flying fingers, see the red coals burning bright,
As the night fades into morning and the morning fades to night
And the autumn turns to summer and a whole damn year is gone
And the two still sit on that roach-filled stage, smoking and rolling on.

With trembling hands he rolls his jades, with fingers blue and stiff
She coughs and stares with bloodshot gaze and puffs through blistered lips.
And as she reaches out her hand for another stick of gold,
The Gator, he gasps, "Dammit, bitch ! There's nothing left to Roll!!!"

"Nothing left to roll?" screams D Debbs. "Is this some twisted joke?
"I didn't come here to fuck around ! ..I come here to SMOKE !"

Then she reaches 'cross the table and grabs his reptile sleeves
And crumbles his body between her hands like dried and brittle leaves,
A-flicking out his teeth and bones like useless stems and seeds.

Then she rolls him in a Zig-Zag and lights him like a roach,
And the Gatorgod with the fastest hands goes up in a puff of smoke.

In the laid-back California town of sunny San Rafael
Still Lives a girl named DDebbs. You probably know her well.
(and Tyrant)
She's been stoned 35 of her 44 years and the story is still widely told
How she can smoke 'em faster than any dude can roll.

While off in a Florida Swamp, in a glade that has no name
There's the hands of the Gatorgod in the Smokers hall of fame.
And clutched between his claws, there's a little golden scroll

That says, ..."Beware of being the roller when there's nothing left to roll."

...Winner D Debbs (with apologies to Shel Silverstein :silly:)

[Semaj]

D Deebs vs. Gatorgod

Gatorgod puts on a wizard's hat, and summons the spirits of the eldery lagartos. They take the form of a large thunderstorm, which wipes D. Deebs clean off the earth.

Winner: Gatorgod. Of course, once the real wizard discovers who "borrowed" his hat, he has to celebrate his victory cleaning up the mess he made.

[Lisa's First Word]

Gatorgod VS Semaj

When they duel on Harry Potter style, Semaj spells "Avada Kedavra (death curse)" quickly, and Gatorgod dies

End of the story

[Gatorgod]

Semaj ~Vs~ Lisa's 1st Word

As both contestants enter the ring, Semaj's coach, Lugash, Brags "I' bean training dis lad from infancy to be Great Fighter! How old are you my dear?
Lisa: Nine!?
Lugash: NINE!! ..GO HOME GRANDMA!
Lisa's 1st word runs off stage crying, making Semaj winner by default.
Lugash: Good job, Now I give you back puppy!
Semaj: I had a kitten?
Lugash: Is Now a PUPPY!!

[D DEBBS]

Gator God Vs. Lisa's First Word

Still saying "Bart"...over and over and over again ad nauseum, Gator God uses his tag team partner, Tyrant T. Tabby and together they maim the repetative rascallion!

[Lisa's First Word]

Gatorgod VS D DEBBS

Gatorgod mauls DEBBS to death. But his teeth came off. Oh well, I guess there are never any happy ending stories

[D DEBBS]

D. DEBBS vs. Lisa's First Word

Due to yet another anxiety attack (caused by Lisa's First Word constantly repeating the word "Bart!" ad nauseum, D. DEBBS sics Tyrant T. Tabby on Lisa's First Word, thus
clawing the repetititous rascalillion.

Claiming victory, T-3 dines on Turkey Lurkey furnished by Rev. Lovejoy.

[Gatorgod]

Tyrant ~Vs~ D Debbs

Tryant starts out with hurricane of claws attack!
D Debbs counters with "Who's my wittle kitty" baby talk.
Tyrant shrugs it off and lets loose with the old Kitty litter in the eyes move!
D Debbs fights back by buying him a new cat nip toy
Tyrant ends it all with a "steal your breath while you sleep" attack!

Winner,.... Tyrant!

[gangman]

Gatorgod ~VS~ Tyrant
Tyrant and Gatorgod get sucked into the game dungeons and dragons
gator god pulls out a crystal crossbow and fires at tyrant.
tyrant simply catches the crystal arrow and pulls out some twin blades then slashes madly at gator god.
gator god gets so mad he pulls out an level 120 enchanted diamond heavy sword and trys to cut tyrant in half.
but tyrant has been infected by a virus and blocks every his with his (or hers,i don't know which) bare paws. tyrant throws Gatorgod into a tree.
then just as Gatorgod thought it couldn't get any worse tyrant summons the virus infected ring of the hackers and data drains Gatorgod then absorbs his data code and grows from a level 60 twinblade to a level 260 virus hacker.

winner:The level 260 virus hacker Tyrant

[D DEBBS]

Gangman Vs. Gator God

Gangman finds himself to be without a gang, so, in actuality, he is a One-Man-Gang.

Seeing that he does not have a gang, Gator God attacks Gangman and now, Gangman, who is in pieces, is a MANY Gangman!

Winner: Gator God

[garret]

DDEBBS VS. GANGMAN

DDEBBS drops a banana peel that gangman slips on.

Winner: DDEBBS

[D DEBBS]

Darth Tater Vs. Tyrant T. Tabby

With quickness and agily like a...well, like a cat, Tyrant escapes getting hit by Darth Tater's light saber.

With his claws extended, Tyrant slices and dices Darth Tater so his 'Auntie Debbs' can put him in her stew!

Winner: Tyrant T. Tabby!

[Gatorgod]

D Debbs ~Vs~ Gorak

A Bloody street battle like none thats ever been witnessed before! Both are sent to prison and the madness continues from there as they both yank the steal bars from their cells and start clobbering each other with blurring speed. Gorak steals the gun from a fallen prison guard and shoots himself in the temple for no conceivable reason, Stunning all!???

Winner ~ D Debbs