brody
04-14-2006, 09:32 PM
(Bart and Lisa are at home with Patty and Selma, sitting at the kitchen table)
Selma: I know what'll cheer you too up, taking all the subscription cards out of these magazines.
Bart: (reading magazine headline) "Middle Aged Women in Lingerie" Why the hell are spending Friday night with them?!
Lisa: Because Mom and Dad got sucked into another one of those "Let Your Relatives be Your Child's Parents" fads.
Bart: Believe me, I would never get myself into some sort of fad.
Patty: Since you must be hungry, we prepared some hors-deovures for you. (takes sheet of plate, which has grotesque looking appetizers on it)
Lisa: Given how bland and lifeless I feel, I doubt my taste will be an issue. (takes one and eats it) Wow! These are really good. (takes a few more, and eats them) What is it?
Selma: Well we haven't made a name for it yet, but it consists of guacamole
corn oil, and sausage.
Lisa: Did you just say sausage?
Patty: We sure did, of course we don't know which animal ours comes from.
Lisa: Oh my God, after all these years of being a vegetarian, I ate meat. I feel terrible.
Bart: Don't feel bad Lise, feel proud. Proud that you overcame your cultish belief.
Lisa: Bart! Vegetarianism is not a cult! I just don't know what to do. If I continue being a vegetarian, I'll always feel guilty for what I did, and if I go back to meat, I'll feel guilty no matter what.
Bart: You see Lisa, karma is punishing you for becoming what you are.
(cut to the next day, the whole family is at the kitchen table)
Homer: Lisa, relax. You're supposed to do things again after you quit. It helps you remember what you liked about them so much.
Lisa: The weird part is that, I actually enjoyed it. It's like the meat overtook me, I no longer cared about animals rights, but about my appetite.
Homer: Pfff, Animals. What good are they? They pee on your rug, eat your food, and brainwash you into killing the president.
Marge: What are you talking about?
Homer: This movie on Sci-Fi Channel, it was called "Animals Brainwashing People To Killing the President."
Lisa: Okay, it's nothing to worry about. I'll just go cold turkey, and never touch meat again. AAAHHH! Turkey is a meat! (runs upstairs)
Bart: Dad, if her head explodes, what do we do?
Homer: Good question. Marge do we have head insurance.
Marge: No Homer. But I'm worried about Lisa, she shouldn't be beating herself up over this, and yet if I tell her that, I'll upset her.
Homer: Is that why you don't saying when I am depressed that I drink too much?
Marge: You're not depressed! You wrote on your MySpace that your pastime was getting drunk!
Homer: But I was depressed when nobody came to chat with me.
I'll add some more each day.
Selma: I know what'll cheer you too up, taking all the subscription cards out of these magazines.
Bart: (reading magazine headline) "Middle Aged Women in Lingerie" Why the hell are spending Friday night with them?!
Lisa: Because Mom and Dad got sucked into another one of those "Let Your Relatives be Your Child's Parents" fads.
Bart: Believe me, I would never get myself into some sort of fad.
Patty: Since you must be hungry, we prepared some hors-deovures for you. (takes sheet of plate, which has grotesque looking appetizers on it)
Lisa: Given how bland and lifeless I feel, I doubt my taste will be an issue. (takes one and eats it) Wow! These are really good. (takes a few more, and eats them) What is it?
Selma: Well we haven't made a name for it yet, but it consists of guacamole
corn oil, and sausage.
Lisa: Did you just say sausage?
Patty: We sure did, of course we don't know which animal ours comes from.
Lisa: Oh my God, after all these years of being a vegetarian, I ate meat. I feel terrible.
Bart: Don't feel bad Lise, feel proud. Proud that you overcame your cultish belief.
Lisa: Bart! Vegetarianism is not a cult! I just don't know what to do. If I continue being a vegetarian, I'll always feel guilty for what I did, and if I go back to meat, I'll feel guilty no matter what.
Bart: You see Lisa, karma is punishing you for becoming what you are.
(cut to the next day, the whole family is at the kitchen table)
Homer: Lisa, relax. You're supposed to do things again after you quit. It helps you remember what you liked about them so much.
Lisa: The weird part is that, I actually enjoyed it. It's like the meat overtook me, I no longer cared about animals rights, but about my appetite.
Homer: Pfff, Animals. What good are they? They pee on your rug, eat your food, and brainwash you into killing the president.
Marge: What are you talking about?
Homer: This movie on Sci-Fi Channel, it was called "Animals Brainwashing People To Killing the President."
Lisa: Okay, it's nothing to worry about. I'll just go cold turkey, and never touch meat again. AAAHHH! Turkey is a meat! (runs upstairs)
Bart: Dad, if her head explodes, what do we do?
Homer: Good question. Marge do we have head insurance.
Marge: No Homer. But I'm worried about Lisa, she shouldn't be beating herself up over this, and yet if I tell her that, I'll upset her.
Homer: Is that why you don't saying when I am depressed that I drink too much?
Marge: You're not depressed! You wrote on your MySpace that your pastime was getting drunk!
Homer: But I was depressed when nobody came to chat with me.
I'll add some more each day.