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GrandmaBird!!!
04-07-2006, 10:09 PM
Here is Act 1 of my second Simpsons script (The rough draft anyway). ENJOY!


The Simpsons Episode
“Homer, Texas Stranger”
By Trenton Noack

FADE IN:

INT. SIMPSONS LIVING ROOM – EVENING
HOMER sits on the couch beside BART, who is reading a comic book. MARGE enters the room with all of her outdoor accessories: coat, car keys, MAGGIE.


MARGE
(To Homer)
Now, while I’m off visiting my mother in the hospital,
I want you to finish the chore list I left for you.

HOMER
(Obviously lying)
Oh, rats. I left the list at Lenny’s house.

MARGE
(Aggravated)
I just taped the list to the refrigerator, Homer.

HOMER
I still might have trouble finding it.

MARGE
Just do it. I’ll tell my mother you said ‘hi’.

HOMER
Don’t lie to her, Marge.


Marge exits the house. Homer leans back on the couch and switches on the TV with the remote. Static fills the TV screen.


HOMER
Hey, what’s the deal?

BART
Cable’s out.


Homer sits in silence with Bart flipping through the pages of his comic book.


HOMER
I think I’ll get a beer.


Homer gets up and walks a few feet into the kitchen before noticing the chore list taped to the refrigerator. He lets out a small SCREAM then runs back to his ass groove on the couch.

He sits for a few more seconds in silence.


HOMER
There’s no way to describe how drunk
I wish I was right now.

BART
Why don’t you just go to Moe’s?

HOMER
It’s wet t-shirt night. And I don’t feel
like getting my clothes wet.

BART
Well if you want to get drunk so bad,
I’ll sling suds for you.

HOMER
Really? Where did you learn to mix drinks?

BART
You taught me.

HOMER
Oh, yeah.

CUT TO:

INT. SIMPSON KITCHEN – NIGHT
The kitchen table and chairs have been converted in a way resembling a bar. Bart, draped with an apron, stands behind the table polishing a glass. Homer sits drunk in a chair.


HOMER
(Drunk)
The new millennium was a total rip-off. We paid good tax money
for Y2K and it never came. We deserve a Y2K!

BART
I think you’ve had enough.

HOMER
No I haven’t. I can still see.

BART
Good point.


He pours Homer another drink. LISA then enters the kitchen. Shocked, she runs over and takes the drink from Bart’s hand.


LISA
Bart, what are you doing! You know Dad's not supposed to drink
when he’s watching over us. I’m calling Grandpa’s cell phone.


She goes over to the phone and picks up the receiver.


BART
Oh Lis, you know Grandpa and Drunk-Homer
are pretty much the same thing.

LISA
Hmmm…Well, Grandpa will do
a lot less involuntary vomiting.


She dials the number. RINGING is heard coming from the backyard. Lisa opens the door and walks out.


EXT. SIMPSON BACKYARD – NIGHT
She finds GRANDPA on his back in the bushes.


GRANDPA
I’ve been here for a week and that’s the first call I’ve got.

CUT TO:

INT. SIMPSON KITCHEN – NIGHT
Grandpa is standing angrily over Homer, who is sitting angrily below Grandpa.


GRANDPA
Homer, this is your father. So, listen up.
You’re drinking too much beer!

HOMER
No, I’m not! (He takes a swig from a bottle)
You’re taking too much medication!

GRANDPA
No, I’m not! (He opens a container and pops a few pills)

HOMER
You can’t tell me what to do, old man.
You’re just an old man. It’s not like you’re my old man.

BART
That’s it; I’m closing up for the night.

HOMER
Fine, I’m leaving!


Homer pushes himself up and staggers to the front door.


GRANDPA
What th…Hey!

CUT TO:

EXT. SIMPSON FRONT LAWN – NIGHT
Homer slams through the door and sloppily makes his way to his car. Grandpa, Bart, and Lisa rush to the doorway.


GRANDPA
That’s it! No allowance for one week!

HOMER
(Scoffs) I make almost double your allowance at work.


Homer opens the car door and sits down in the driver’s seat.


LISA
You’re not going to drive drunk, are you dad?

HOMER
(Sincerely)
No, honey.


He backs the car out of the driveway and begins to speed off.


HOMER
I mean yes!

CUT TO:

EXT. ROAD – NIGHT
Homer’s pink car speeds along down the dark road. He is struggling to stay awake.


HOMER
Where am I? It’s so dark I can hardly make out the signs.


He squints his eyes to read the signs as he continues to drive under the influence.


HOMER
(Reading)
Exit 121. Exit 350. Yield. Stop. They have speed limits now!
A fire engine. A line of ducks. Two kids on a see-saw.


Homer then falls fast asleep while driving by the sign with the see-saw on it. Being asleep he doesn’t notice the see-saw that is actually in the middle of the street. He runs it over as the two KIDS run screaming.

FADE TO:

EXT. TEXAS – BY ALAMO – MORNING
Homer is just coming back into consciousness as two MEN angrily stand above him.


MAN 1
Hey you! Get up!

MAN 2
You’re lying on a historical landmark –
the spot where Ozzy peed.


On the Alamo wall is a plaque with Ozzy Osbourne engraved into it along with the text: “Lest we forget”.

Homer rubs his head, rises to his feet, and looks back at the Alamo.


HOMER
What th…The Alamo. Where am I, Nevada?

MAN 1
(Sternly)
No. You’re in Texas.


Homer lets out a loud, horrifying SCREAM, then shyly puts his fingers together.


HOMER
Sorry, I thought I saw a spider.


END OF ACT 1

George
04-10-2006, 06:00 AM
Allow me to be the first to congratulate you on another brilliant effort. Hilarious. I really like your sense of humour, it blends in with the earlier classics of the show.

GrandmaBird!!!
04-11-2006, 06:58 PM
Here is act 2, which includes my attempt at writing a musical number.


ACT II


EXT. ALAMO - MORNING
A sober, but confused Homer still stands in front of the two men.


TIM (MAN 1)
Well, judgin’ by yer out-of-state license plate
and the fact that you have no idea of where
the hell you are, I’d guess you weren’t from around here.
My name’s Tim, this is my good buddy Colby.

HOMER
Hi, I’m Homer. Are you sure this is Texas? I thought at least
I would have seen a cowboy or be executed by now.

COLBY (MAN 2)
It ain’t 1845.

HOMER
It ain’t?! (Groans)

COLBY
Texas has changed. We’re about more than just
cowboys and killin’ folk, despite the impression you’d
get from some people.

CUT TO:

EXT. NEAR ALAMO
RICH TEXAN, who is jumping, hollering, and shooting his guns in the air, stops his normal routine to say:


RICH TEXAN
You’d think that would deter me…but no!


He then continues to holler, jump, and shoot.

CUT TO:

EXT. ALAMO
Homer, Tim, and Colby continue to converse.

COLBY
The industrial revolution made it possible for farmers
and ranchers to move into the city and get jobs
that could actually benefit in our nation’s growth.
Like oil minin’ and debt collectin’.

TIM
So, what were ya plannin’ on doin’ in Texas?

HOMER
I don’t really remember. My memory is a little fuzzy.

TIM
Well, you should come hang out with us. There’s plenty
a way to soak in the cultural heritage of the Lone Star State.

HOMER
(Sarcastically)
Like what, rodeo?

TIM
Yes.

HOMER
(Excited)
Oh boy, rodeo!

CUT TO:

EXT. RODEO BLEACHERS – DAY
An exited Homer, now with a cowboy hat on his head and bandana tied around his neck, sits beside his new Southern buddies, Tim and Colby, watching the action.

After a BULL RIDER is thrown off of his BULL, a RODEO CLOWN jumps in between him and the angry bull and starts dancing.


HOMER
(Giggles) Look at ‘em dance. Hey…Homer Simpson the rodeo clown!


The rodeo clown then jumps into a barrel with the bull immediately charging over to him and smashing the barrel with his two front hooves.


HOMER
Eh, I’ll just save myself the hospital visit.

TIM
So, how are ya enjoying yerself, Homer?

HOMER
Oh, I’m loving it. I can’t believe I never
realized how great Texas is.

COLBY
Yep, it’s far superior to any other state in
this country, I’ll tell you what.

TIM
Yep.

COLBY
Yep.

HOMER
And I conquer with that statement.

TIM
Homer, would you like to join us at our group meeting
tonight? I think you’d fit it just fine.

HOMER
Sure, I’d love to.

BARNEY (OS)
Hey Homer.


BARNEY sits a few rows ahead of them looking especially dazed and confused.


HOMER
Barney? What are you doing here?

BARNEY
I was in your trunk.

CUT TO:

INT. SIMPSON LIVING ROOM – DAY
Marge is pacing angrily back and forth. Bart and Lisa sit on the couch beside their aunt SELMA. Grandpa sits in the armchair looking as dazed and confused as Barney


MARGE
I can’t believe he could do something so irresponsible
twice in the same week.

SELMA
Homer is selfish, fat, and lazy; and he only cares about
one thing. And that thing is selfish, fat, and lazy.

MARGE
Look, I’m mad at him too but I’m not
going to sit here and bad talk him.


The phone rings. Marge answers it.


MARGE
Hello? Homer, where on earth are you?!

CUT TO:

EXT. A PAY PHONE IN TEXAS
Homer is on the other line.


HOMER
Marge, there’s no need to be worried. I’m safe and sound
here in Texas. And I gotta tell you, it’s nothing at all like that
one movie we saw about that chainsaw massacre. There’s rodeos,
Alamos, cowboy hats, belt buckles the size of pumpkins. Yep,
its way better than whatever state we live in.

CUT TO:

INT. LIVING ROOM

MARGE
(Angry)
I’m not worried, Homer. I’m angry. You just
left are children practically home alone with
no one at all capable of protecting them.


Grandpa lets out a depressing sigh and lowers his head.

We continue to CUT in-between their conversation.


HOMER
(In Texas)
What? (Remembering) Oh. Look, I’m sorry. Okay?

MARGE
It’s like you don’t even care about your own family, Homer.

HOMER
I care. How is your mom doing in the hospital?

MARGE
I bet you don’t even know why she’s there.


Homer takes a second to ponder.


HOMER
Face transplant.

MARGE
(Murmurs) Lucky guess. Just come home right now, okay?

HOMER
But Marge, I like it here. It’ll just be a few days longer.

MARGE
Well if you like it so much in Texas,
why don’t you just live there?!

HOMER
Fine! Maybe I will!

MARGE
Fine!


Marge slams down the receiver and storms off.


SELMA
Texas. I once dated a girl from Texas. It didn’t work out.

BART
Aunt Selma? I thought Patty was gay.

SELMA
I am Patty.


The REAL SELMA walks into the living room. Both of them looking exactly the same.


REAL SELMA
I told you to stick with your old hair style.

CUT TO:

EXT. CLUB HOUSE ENTRANCE – NIGHT
Homer, Tim, and Colby are walking in for the club meeting. Homer is twirling a pistol on his finger.


HOMER
I can’t believe that it’s legal here to twirl
a loaded pistol around on your finger in public.

TIM
It ain’t.

CUT TO:

INT. CLUB HOUSE – NIGHT
Homer, Tim, and Colby enter into the loud, boisterous crowd where Southern accents roam free. Dozens of MEN are there, all dressed in western attire. Tim and Colby both put on cowboy hats.


HOMER
(Amused)
Hey, you do have cowboy hats.

COLBY
Homer, help yerself to a beer.

HOMER
(Blissfully)
I love this place more and more every second.

TIM
So, ya still think Texas is far superior
to any other state?

HOMER
(Agitated)
I don’t know. Just give me a beer.

COLBY
Homer, we’re tryin’ to tell ya what our club is really about.

HOMER
(Groans) You’re not, like, gay cowboys, are you?

TIM
Well, we are about to do a quick musical number.

HOMER
As long as it’s quick.


An up-tempo version of Yellow Rose of Texas begins to play.
*listen to it here (http://www.lsjunction.com/midi/yellowr.mid)

Tim and Colby start to bob up and down with the other members behind them marching in place. They begin to sing:


TIM
An uprisin’ in Texas, that’s what I want to see.
With enough ammunition, to rewrite history.

COLBY
We will all band together, with strong pride and confidence.
And become our own country, no longer state or providence.

ALL
Come on Southern brothers, sing this song with me.
And succeed from this nation, so we can all be free.
Raise your shotguns high, and your flamin’ torches too.
We’ll show those Yankee bastards what a real country can do.

TIM
In the film about the Alamo, Crockett was John Wayne.
Portrayin’ his emotions, loyalty, and pain.

COLBY
Two great Southern heroes, daring, strong, and brave.
I guess that’s why we took ‘em both, and rose ‘em from the grave.


The zombie corpses of DAVY CROCKETT and JOHN WAYNE step out from the crowd.


ALL
(Reprise)
Come on Southern brothers, sing this song with me.
And succeed from this nation, so we can all be free.
Raise your shotguns high, and your flamin’ torches too.
We’ll show those Yankee bastards what a real country can do.

TIM
Our state representatives, won’t return our calls.
They do not have our vision, they do not have the balls.

COLBY
So we’ll teach ‘em all a lesson, it’ll happen so damn soon.
We can drink some Southern Comfort, and be back in bed by noon

ALL
(Reprise)
Come on Southern brothers, sing this song with me.
And succeed from this nation, so we can all be free.
Raise your shotguns high, and your flamin’ torches too.
We’ll show those Yankee bastards what a real country can do.


The music stops. Tim looks over to a timid and confused Homer.


TIM
So, are ya in or are ya out?

HOMER
Do I have to sing my answer?

TIM
Only if you want to.

HOMER
(Singing)
I am out!

TIM
(Singing)
Then you are dead!

HOMER
(Singing)
D’oh!


END OF ACT II

david195
04-12-2006, 05:41 AM
Fantastic. Absolutely fantastic. Also, your Grandma Bird cartoons are brilliant. :D

E-I-E-I-Moe
04-12-2006, 08:39 PM
You're a great Simpsons writer! Your jokes don't seem forced and you have the characters right on. I laughed at Homer's "Face transplant" line, that's classic Homer, along with the stuff about the chores list in the beginning.

garret
04-12-2006, 11:38 PM
Your writing is perfect! Everyone was characterized well, and the gags were spot-on, I can't wait for act three.

Stratman
04-14-2006, 09:47 AM
Pretty good stuff. I particularly like that yep, yep, I conquer joke. I was actually expecting an homage to King Of The Hill. :D

Zilla
04-15-2006, 04:24 AM
Excellent! Very funny indeed.

Klia
04-15-2006, 08:06 AM
The second I saw your new fan script, I chugged down a bottle of mocha frappucino, Put in my cd of Bauhaus, and sat down for another long review. First, my apologies for being late on this review-I haven’t been on NoHomers for a long time.


HOMER
Don’t lie to her, Marge.

Perhaps an expression would make this line come alive, make the punch-line that more affective.

Same with some of your Bart lines, when I read it all I hear is a flat voice. Not every line has to have an emotion written on it, just some feel a bit flat.

You’re lying on a historical landmark –
the spot where Ozzy peed.

Feels a little strange as the line just stops. It feels like there needs to be another part to the story behind the landmark.

Alright, well here’s my awkward attempt at explaining what I think needs to be fixed up. The scene’s, while not rushed, don’t feel like they have a lot of meat to them. They’re certainly enjoyable and I have a lot of fun reading them, but the focus of the fan script feels a little off when compared to your other.

I do like the heartfelt sense you get when reading the script, it certainly feels like you have put a lot of heart and soul into it. Your punchlines are right on target, and I always get a big laugh out of them, and again I always want to read on about what is going to happen next.

Obviously, I’m being lazy and not taking parts from your second draft as I have other things I need to get to, but keep on writing. You’re one of the few writers here (perhaps the only one) who keeps me coming back to this part of the forum.

B

bluemoose
04-19-2006, 02:20 PM
That's a fantastic script. The characters are characterized very well, and, as mentioned, the jokes don't sound forced at all. The humor is great, and it all flows along very well.