GrandmaBird!!!
04-07-2006, 10:09 PM
Here is Act 1 of my second Simpsons script (The rough draft anyway). ENJOY!
The Simpsons Episode
“Homer, Texas Stranger”
By Trenton Noack
FADE IN:
INT. SIMPSONS LIVING ROOM – EVENING
HOMER sits on the couch beside BART, who is reading a comic book. MARGE enters the room with all of her outdoor accessories: coat, car keys, MAGGIE.
MARGE
(To Homer)
Now, while I’m off visiting my mother in the hospital,
I want you to finish the chore list I left for you.
HOMER
(Obviously lying)
Oh, rats. I left the list at Lenny’s house.
MARGE
(Aggravated)
I just taped the list to the refrigerator, Homer.
HOMER
I still might have trouble finding it.
MARGE
Just do it. I’ll tell my mother you said ‘hi’.
HOMER
Don’t lie to her, Marge.
Marge exits the house. Homer leans back on the couch and switches on the TV with the remote. Static fills the TV screen.
HOMER
Hey, what’s the deal?
BART
Cable’s out.
Homer sits in silence with Bart flipping through the pages of his comic book.
HOMER
I think I’ll get a beer.
Homer gets up and walks a few feet into the kitchen before noticing the chore list taped to the refrigerator. He lets out a small SCREAM then runs back to his ass groove on the couch.
He sits for a few more seconds in silence.
HOMER
There’s no way to describe how drunk
I wish I was right now.
BART
Why don’t you just go to Moe’s?
HOMER
It’s wet t-shirt night. And I don’t feel
like getting my clothes wet.
BART
Well if you want to get drunk so bad,
I’ll sling suds for you.
HOMER
Really? Where did you learn to mix drinks?
BART
You taught me.
HOMER
Oh, yeah.
CUT TO:
INT. SIMPSON KITCHEN – NIGHT
The kitchen table and chairs have been converted in a way resembling a bar. Bart, draped with an apron, stands behind the table polishing a glass. Homer sits drunk in a chair.
HOMER
(Drunk)
The new millennium was a total rip-off. We paid good tax money
for Y2K and it never came. We deserve a Y2K!
BART
I think you’ve had enough.
HOMER
No I haven’t. I can still see.
BART
Good point.
He pours Homer another drink. LISA then enters the kitchen. Shocked, she runs over and takes the drink from Bart’s hand.
LISA
Bart, what are you doing! You know Dad's not supposed to drink
when he’s watching over us. I’m calling Grandpa’s cell phone.
She goes over to the phone and picks up the receiver.
BART
Oh Lis, you know Grandpa and Drunk-Homer
are pretty much the same thing.
LISA
Hmmm…Well, Grandpa will do
a lot less involuntary vomiting.
She dials the number. RINGING is heard coming from the backyard. Lisa opens the door and walks out.
EXT. SIMPSON BACKYARD – NIGHT
She finds GRANDPA on his back in the bushes.
GRANDPA
I’ve been here for a week and that’s the first call I’ve got.
CUT TO:
INT. SIMPSON KITCHEN – NIGHT
Grandpa is standing angrily over Homer, who is sitting angrily below Grandpa.
GRANDPA
Homer, this is your father. So, listen up.
You’re drinking too much beer!
HOMER
No, I’m not! (He takes a swig from a bottle)
You’re taking too much medication!
GRANDPA
No, I’m not! (He opens a container and pops a few pills)
HOMER
You can’t tell me what to do, old man.
You’re just an old man. It’s not like you’re my old man.
BART
That’s it; I’m closing up for the night.
HOMER
Fine, I’m leaving!
Homer pushes himself up and staggers to the front door.
GRANDPA
What th…Hey!
CUT TO:
EXT. SIMPSON FRONT LAWN – NIGHT
Homer slams through the door and sloppily makes his way to his car. Grandpa, Bart, and Lisa rush to the doorway.
GRANDPA
That’s it! No allowance for one week!
HOMER
(Scoffs) I make almost double your allowance at work.
Homer opens the car door and sits down in the driver’s seat.
LISA
You’re not going to drive drunk, are you dad?
HOMER
(Sincerely)
No, honey.
He backs the car out of the driveway and begins to speed off.
HOMER
I mean yes!
CUT TO:
EXT. ROAD – NIGHT
Homer’s pink car speeds along down the dark road. He is struggling to stay awake.
HOMER
Where am I? It’s so dark I can hardly make out the signs.
He squints his eyes to read the signs as he continues to drive under the influence.
HOMER
(Reading)
Exit 121. Exit 350. Yield. Stop. They have speed limits now!
A fire engine. A line of ducks. Two kids on a see-saw.
Homer then falls fast asleep while driving by the sign with the see-saw on it. Being asleep he doesn’t notice the see-saw that is actually in the middle of the street. He runs it over as the two KIDS run screaming.
FADE TO:
EXT. TEXAS – BY ALAMO – MORNING
Homer is just coming back into consciousness as two MEN angrily stand above him.
MAN 1
Hey you! Get up!
MAN 2
You’re lying on a historical landmark –
the spot where Ozzy peed.
On the Alamo wall is a plaque with Ozzy Osbourne engraved into it along with the text: “Lest we forget”.
Homer rubs his head, rises to his feet, and looks back at the Alamo.
HOMER
What th…The Alamo. Where am I, Nevada?
MAN 1
(Sternly)
No. You’re in Texas.
Homer lets out a loud, horrifying SCREAM, then shyly puts his fingers together.
HOMER
Sorry, I thought I saw a spider.
END OF ACT 1
The Simpsons Episode
“Homer, Texas Stranger”
By Trenton Noack
FADE IN:
INT. SIMPSONS LIVING ROOM – EVENING
HOMER sits on the couch beside BART, who is reading a comic book. MARGE enters the room with all of her outdoor accessories: coat, car keys, MAGGIE.
MARGE
(To Homer)
Now, while I’m off visiting my mother in the hospital,
I want you to finish the chore list I left for you.
HOMER
(Obviously lying)
Oh, rats. I left the list at Lenny’s house.
MARGE
(Aggravated)
I just taped the list to the refrigerator, Homer.
HOMER
I still might have trouble finding it.
MARGE
Just do it. I’ll tell my mother you said ‘hi’.
HOMER
Don’t lie to her, Marge.
Marge exits the house. Homer leans back on the couch and switches on the TV with the remote. Static fills the TV screen.
HOMER
Hey, what’s the deal?
BART
Cable’s out.
Homer sits in silence with Bart flipping through the pages of his comic book.
HOMER
I think I’ll get a beer.
Homer gets up and walks a few feet into the kitchen before noticing the chore list taped to the refrigerator. He lets out a small SCREAM then runs back to his ass groove on the couch.
He sits for a few more seconds in silence.
HOMER
There’s no way to describe how drunk
I wish I was right now.
BART
Why don’t you just go to Moe’s?
HOMER
It’s wet t-shirt night. And I don’t feel
like getting my clothes wet.
BART
Well if you want to get drunk so bad,
I’ll sling suds for you.
HOMER
Really? Where did you learn to mix drinks?
BART
You taught me.
HOMER
Oh, yeah.
CUT TO:
INT. SIMPSON KITCHEN – NIGHT
The kitchen table and chairs have been converted in a way resembling a bar. Bart, draped with an apron, stands behind the table polishing a glass. Homer sits drunk in a chair.
HOMER
(Drunk)
The new millennium was a total rip-off. We paid good tax money
for Y2K and it never came. We deserve a Y2K!
BART
I think you’ve had enough.
HOMER
No I haven’t. I can still see.
BART
Good point.
He pours Homer another drink. LISA then enters the kitchen. Shocked, she runs over and takes the drink from Bart’s hand.
LISA
Bart, what are you doing! You know Dad's not supposed to drink
when he’s watching over us. I’m calling Grandpa’s cell phone.
She goes over to the phone and picks up the receiver.
BART
Oh Lis, you know Grandpa and Drunk-Homer
are pretty much the same thing.
LISA
Hmmm…Well, Grandpa will do
a lot less involuntary vomiting.
She dials the number. RINGING is heard coming from the backyard. Lisa opens the door and walks out.
EXT. SIMPSON BACKYARD – NIGHT
She finds GRANDPA on his back in the bushes.
GRANDPA
I’ve been here for a week and that’s the first call I’ve got.
CUT TO:
INT. SIMPSON KITCHEN – NIGHT
Grandpa is standing angrily over Homer, who is sitting angrily below Grandpa.
GRANDPA
Homer, this is your father. So, listen up.
You’re drinking too much beer!
HOMER
No, I’m not! (He takes a swig from a bottle)
You’re taking too much medication!
GRANDPA
No, I’m not! (He opens a container and pops a few pills)
HOMER
You can’t tell me what to do, old man.
You’re just an old man. It’s not like you’re my old man.
BART
That’s it; I’m closing up for the night.
HOMER
Fine, I’m leaving!
Homer pushes himself up and staggers to the front door.
GRANDPA
What th…Hey!
CUT TO:
EXT. SIMPSON FRONT LAWN – NIGHT
Homer slams through the door and sloppily makes his way to his car. Grandpa, Bart, and Lisa rush to the doorway.
GRANDPA
That’s it! No allowance for one week!
HOMER
(Scoffs) I make almost double your allowance at work.
Homer opens the car door and sits down in the driver’s seat.
LISA
You’re not going to drive drunk, are you dad?
HOMER
(Sincerely)
No, honey.
He backs the car out of the driveway and begins to speed off.
HOMER
I mean yes!
CUT TO:
EXT. ROAD – NIGHT
Homer’s pink car speeds along down the dark road. He is struggling to stay awake.
HOMER
Where am I? It’s so dark I can hardly make out the signs.
He squints his eyes to read the signs as he continues to drive under the influence.
HOMER
(Reading)
Exit 121. Exit 350. Yield. Stop. They have speed limits now!
A fire engine. A line of ducks. Two kids on a see-saw.
Homer then falls fast asleep while driving by the sign with the see-saw on it. Being asleep he doesn’t notice the see-saw that is actually in the middle of the street. He runs it over as the two KIDS run screaming.
FADE TO:
EXT. TEXAS – BY ALAMO – MORNING
Homer is just coming back into consciousness as two MEN angrily stand above him.
MAN 1
Hey you! Get up!
MAN 2
You’re lying on a historical landmark –
the spot where Ozzy peed.
On the Alamo wall is a plaque with Ozzy Osbourne engraved into it along with the text: “Lest we forget”.
Homer rubs his head, rises to his feet, and looks back at the Alamo.
HOMER
What th…The Alamo. Where am I, Nevada?
MAN 1
(Sternly)
No. You’re in Texas.
Homer lets out a loud, horrifying SCREAM, then shyly puts his fingers together.
HOMER
Sorry, I thought I saw a spider.
END OF ACT 1