Chalkboard thread

[garret]

Post your own chalkboard gags: Donuts are not a means of transportation

[garret]

Iv'e got a few more: I will not use stupid acronyms; I will not use the internet for evil; Madonna is not a "stupid whore" (yes she is); I will not accuse the teacher of sleeping with the president; human sacrifice is wrong, no matter what the circumstances.

[Jake]

I sticked this, as this a general enough fan-fiction topic.

Anyway, here's some I did from 1998:

I am not an innocent bystander...
I will not invent gods...
I will not turn show and tell into truth or dare...
I will not demand a happy ending...
The Answer is not always 42...
I @m not @n internet addict.com...
Goldfish and Alka Seltzer don't mix...
I will not demand that we "Nuke'em!"
German is not "Bad Language"...
I am not a human vending machine...
I am not on candid camera...
I will not whisper sweet nothings to no one...
My gas is my own business...

Jake

[maggie_simpson]

'I am what I am' isn't an excuse.
The end is not nigh.
I will not bring porcupines to class.
Acid and the teacher's desk don't mix.
The teacher doesn't miss twice.

[garret]

Hans Moleman's mysterious death is none of my business.
Itchy and Scratchy did not chop down George Washington.
I won't "go there".
I will not touch forbidden fruit.
My Dad was not the man, who shot the man, who shot Abraham Lincoln.
You can't fly, even if you believe you can.
I will not post pictures of my butt on the internet.
I will not tell the exchanged student that "I'm going to kill your president!" is how you ask to use the rest room.
I will not try to take over the school and liberate the other children.

[Itchy]

I will not bring slasher movies to "show and tell"

[E-I-E-I-Moe]

"Russian Roulette" is not a playground game.
I will not leave immediately after the bell rings.
I'm not a Malibu Stacy girl in a Malibu Stacy world.
I will not injure myself on purpose during "Follow the Leader".
I will stop trying out for the girl's soccer team.
Toilets don't make good "Bobbing for Apples" tubs.
Jury duty isn't an acceptable excuse to skip school.

I had a bunch of others but they kind of suck. I like Jake's. :D

[CJman327]

I do not "still got it"
Pacman and Mrs. Pacman did not have an affair
I will not sing the National Anthem with my pants down
I will not create Kryptonite
I did not ride The Magic School Bus
I will not parody Dennis The Menace
I will not tease Stewie Griffin
Ralph is not a football
I will not prolong television seasons with sleazy crowd pleasers
I will not "take that risk"
I will not taunt Principal Skinner
I will not abuse PlayDoh
Nobody knows the reason for the cancellation of Futurama
I will not lie about not being frightened of PBS
A six is a six is a six is a six is a
I am not a Western prospector, dagnabbit
Milhouse does not conduct static electricity
Getting a "G" on a history test does not stand for "great"
I am not the creator of Pong
Milhouse does not own "a teeny weeny yellow pokodot bikini"
I will not pronounce Matt Groening's name like "Groaning"
Nelson's favorite movie is not "Gigli"

[garret]

I will not trick ralph into eating his clothes.
I am not the most diabolical human to ever live.
Aliens don't "taste like chicken".
I will not insult the constitustion.
School is not boring and repetitive.

[Jake]

Copying from two, or more, students isn't "Research"...
The ten commandments dont go to eleven...
I will not sell other student's property on Ebay...

[Semaj]

2 + 2 does not equal 5
I will not cost the town the Olympics
Glue is thicker than blood
I can't do that on television

[George]

i will not spank the monkey.
the substitute teacher's toupee is not a dead ferret.
i am not the school bell.
i will not tempt ralph
mike is not a boy

[Nameless]

All is actually as it seems
Adding "Theoretically" to the start of my essays does not make them correct
Just because I'm doing this less, doesn't mean I'm getting any better
Nobody would watch a show based on my life
The school is not being changed behind my back (written on a whiteboard)
This is not a punishment, nor are the teachers trying to lie to you by saying it is not a punishment
"Because it's friday" is not an excuse to skip school
I have forgotten my punishment
I will not rewire the school security camera system to my home TV
I do not learn a lesson by doing this
I will not leave my punishment early (he leaves just before the bell goes)
I will not write in bigger letters to fill up the board quicker (written in huge letters)
I will not use school computer time worth less than a dollar
Contrary to rumour, I still do this every week
I am fully aware that most of these are not valid reasons to be punished
I will not treat life like an adventure game book
I will not fry donuts in motor oil
I will not use my desk as a pencil topper
It is no longer OK to rhyme on school time
i MUst LeArN TO cAPITaliZE PropERLy
I have been forbidden to draw smiley faces :angry:
Teachers should not have to wear school uniform
Pupils should not get a share of school funding
Teacheritis was not added to the Dictionary of Diseases last year
There is not a limit on the number of times I can do this
I do not have the 'luck of the Bartish'
I must not make obvious escape routes out of school (there is a hole in the middle of the blackboard leading to daylight)
I must be funnier
I am not getting used to this by now

Maybe we should have a general "Opening Ideas" thread, for ideas for couch gags, chalkboards, Lisa sax solos, THOH openings, special end credits, that sort of thing.

[brody]

I am not Deep Throat.
Hogan's Heroes is not tasteless.
The Emmys are not rigged.
I cannot tell the Olsen twins apart.
I did not cancel Futurama, Mission Hill, The Critic, and whatever.

[bluemoose]

mud is not one of the four food groups
all work and no play makes jack a dull boy
i will not cut corners (followed by dittos)

EDIT: ^those have been done

Ralph's favorite food is not sawdust
Putting glue on the teachers chair is not a "good educational pastime"

[Nameless]

mud is not one of the four food groups
all work and no play makes jack a dull boy
i will not cut corners (followed by dittos)

Those have all been done.

[Jake]

I will not pimp anyone's ride...
Time is not the best Teacher...
Staring at the Sun isn't "Seeing the light!"...
There are no WMDs in the teachers's lounge...
Mrs. Butterworth is not a jar head...

[Semaj]

I will not offer pancakes to Aunt Jemimah...

[bluemoose]

Those have all been done.
sorry, I got the topic wrong.

[garret]

I will not sell school books.
My uncle does not have connections with Jesus.
I will not get lost in my own fantasy world.
Family Guy is not "Smart and satirical, with a delicious take on modern life."
El Barto is not an evil genious.
I will not write another play.
The coffee did not make me "Feel soooo animated."

1000th post!

[Rest your giant head]

Congratulations,Gorak!

My favorite chalkboard gag:
I will not plant subliminal messagores

[Mazzi_rules]

the only one i can rember is "a burp is not an answer" (sorry)

[The Queen Of Dragons]

I remember ' I will not burp the national anthem'

[Mazzi_rules]

i am not a lean mean spitting machine

[garret]

Um, this thread is for making up your own chalk board gags, not post your favorites from the show.

[lisalover1]

"Look up" "I can't beleive I ate the whole thing" "The construction machines are not toys"

[Lisa's First Word]

"I'm not Steinbrenner, therefore, I don't pay Alex Rodriguez"

[Jake]

Pee Wee Herman's two favorite baseball teams weren't the Yanks and the Expos...

I am not a born again pegan...

A burp and a belch are one and the same...

Gun Control can mean one OR two hands...

"F" only stands for "Failure"...

"Googled" is not a form of legitimate research...

[Gatorgod]

I am not "Too Cool" to ride the Bus!
Futurama DVD's will Not out sell Family Guy DVD's
My Dad is Not tougher than your Dad

[Wasteland]

I will not beat up that stupid wiener kid.
I will not put a hit out on the pope.
I will not siphon gas out of my teacher's car.

[Nameless]

I will not write 'MAIL-ORDER' on all the teachers' degrees
I will not put fake slime in the cafeteria's secret sauce
The teachers are not recording this so they can have a laugh watching it again
I must not use hypno-coins for Show & Tell

[Semaj]

Dog fighting is not a sport.

[Lisa's First Word]

New Mexico is a part of USA

[Jake]

Homerwork is not a WMD...

I will not take fourth grade classes online...

Antacids are not a substitute for chalk...

[lisalover1]

I will not hold Uter hostage.

I will not bring in a hobo for show-and-tell.

[garret]

Monkeys should be kept in the zoo.

I am not Ralph's real father.

Jello is not a toy.

I will not enjoy school for the wrong reasons.

I do know the meaning of no.

[Adamm R)))]

How come nobody's using Homerize.com's feature, that is perfect for this, yet?
Here's one (a Matrix refernce, in case you didn't know):
http://www.homerize.com/chalkboard/board.php?line1=There+is+no+spoon&line2=There+is+no+spoon&line3=There+is+no+spoon&line4=There+is+no+spoon&line5=There+is+no+spoon

[brody]

http://www.homerize.com/chalkboard/board.php?line1=%22Simon+Says%22+Is+Not+Subliminal&line2=%22Simon+Says%22+Is+Not+Subliminal&line3=%22Simon+Says%22+Is+Not+Subliminal&line4=%22Simon+Says%22+Is+Not+Subliminal&line5=%22Simon+Says%22+Is+Not+Subliminal

[Jake]

I did not save a lot of money on my car insurance...

[Lizard Queen]

I was the first to call them Seydna Skinappel

[thang]

I will never, ever compare American Dad to Futurama.

My bartoons are better than McFarlane's work.

Yeah man, I won't be talkin like dang ol' boomhauer, man, i tells ya what man, that's some bad shit, man, dang it.

Micheal Jackson isn't a flesh-eating zombie, he is some sort of a mutant.

Chuck Norris aint funny no more.

I was not in LA recently trying to cancell Family Guy.

Oh my god, I haven't killed Kenny.

I will no longer stalk people to see if they are xmen.

[BigButtSkinner]

Our universe's reality is not flexible

[Jake]

Yoga doesn't involve yogurt...

There's no Veterans of Flatuent Wars...

[Dewey Finn]

Yo no va a escribir en espanol otra vez

[Ivan]

Milhouse was not adopted

[Smell ya later]

http://www.homerize.com/chalkboard/board.php?line1=Madonna+and+Britney+Spears&line2=are+NOT+cousins&line3=Madonna+and+Britney+Spears&line4=are+NOT+cousins&line5=

[Jimbo77]

She didnt tell me what to wright

[Rich Uncle Skeleton]

Heh, I was just trying to think up some of my own chalkboards the other day for a new page on my site. Here's what I came up with, not great but ok i guess:
The Internet was not invented for pornography
I will not do the same thing I do every night [pinky and the brain reference, if you didn't guess]
Milhouse is not an accordion [slightly subtle]
Family Guy has never ripped off The Simpsons
I did not meet my future self [south park ref]
I did not invent the Internet
Everyone is not sick of "Lost" already

[Smell ya later]

http://www.homerize.com/chalkboard/board.php?line1=MACE+is+not+a+substitute&line2=for+chilli+sauce&line3=MACE+is+not+a+substitute&line4=for+chilli+sauce&line5=

[I Love Lisa]

http://www.homerize.com/chalkboard/board.php?line1=The+poop+deck+is+not&line2=used+for+what+I+think+it+is&line3=The+poop+deck+is+not&line4=used+for+what+I+think+it+is&line5=

[Smell ya later]

http://www.homerize.com/chalkboard/board.php?line1=I+am+not+related+to+Curly&line2=I+am+not+related+to+Curly&line3=I+am+not+related+to+Curly&line4=I+am+not+related+to+Curly&line5=I+am+not+related+to+Curly

http://www.homerize.com/chalkboard/board.php?line1=Christopher+Columbus+did+not&line2=found+The+Pizza+Hut&line3=Christopher+Columbus+did+not&line4=found+The+Pizza+Hut&line5=

[I Love Lisa]

http://www.homerize.com/chalkboard/board.php?line1=The+snake+was+poisonous&line2=The+snake+was+poisonous&line3=The+snake+was+poisonous&line4=The+snake+was+poisonous&line5=The+snake+was+poisonous

[Jake]

911 Isn't a dating service.

[I Love Lisa]

http://www.homerize.com/chalkboard/board.php?line1=I+didn%27t+expect&line2=the+spanish+inquisition&line3=I+didn%27t+expect&line4=the+spanish+inquisition&line5=

[david195]

I will not consort with the Devil
I do not know any man from Nantucket
Salt and sugar are not practically the same food
Rock, Paper, Scissors shouldn't be played literally
Ketchup on my hands does not qualify as stigmata
The booze in teacher's desk is purely medicinal
egaugnal sdrawkcab ni etirw ton lliw I
I will improve my spellling
Frogspawn is not a legitimate taco filling
Even the chalkboard gags are getting lame now
I will not change the channel when this show ends
I will not flood the Principal's office with custard
I do not have the President of the USA in my pocket
I am not God

[Jake]

I will not recruit students for Old Navy.

[somewhat]

http://www.homerize.com/chalkboard/board.php?line1=The+tack+on+the+teacher%27s+chair&line2=was+not+an+act+of+God&line3=The+tack+on+the+teacher%27s+chair&line4=was+not+an+act+of+God&line5=The+tack+on+the+teacher%27s+ch

http://www.homerize.com/chalkboard/board.php?line1=Microwaving+the+class+frog&line2=will+not+send+him+back+to+heaven&line3=Microwaving+the+class+frog&line4=will+not+send+him+back+to+heaven&line5=Microwaving+the+class+fr

http://www.homerize.com/chalkboard/board.php?line1=I+will+not+persuade+my+classmates&line2=to+jump+off+a+cliff+after+drinking&line3=large+amounts+of+red+bull&line4=I+will+not+persuade+my+classmates&line5=to+jump+off+a+cliff+after+dr

[Jake]

"Passing the Buck" doesn't involve money.

My nose is not an instrument.

I will not duck and cover.

[simpson93]

The FOX Network is not DUMB.
I'm Not Getting Sick and Tried of This!
The Song, Happy Birthday does not have El Barto.

[Sniper Squirrel]

I will not expose myself to construction workers
pornography is not aceptable work reading
cocaine is not a suitable substitute for flour

[Henrik P]

Shorts are not food.
I am not a character from a TV show.

^ Best I could make. :P

[Jake]

I will not complain about the crap served at lunch.

I cannot bribe a teacher in public.

[Dewey Finn]

I Will Not Lie About Lunch Ingredients
A Mixture Of Dirt And Viagra Is Not A Miracle Cure
I'm Not Bold As Love

[garret]

I will not cause the other children to revolt against pants.

[Henrik P]

Gambling is not legal at school.
I am not George Bush's long lost son.

[Jake]

"Groening" has nothing to do with Wood

[Dewey Finn]

Wearing An Isotopes Uniform Doesn't Mean You Are A Player Of Them

Wearing A Fake Chest Hair Toupee Doesn't Make You Look Sexy

The Rock That I Dug Out On The School Yard Wasn't The Skull Of Jimmy Hoffa

[Fionn]

'I will not insult the prophet Muhammed, peace be upon him."

"I am not the man with a plan."

"I will not meddle with the space-time continuum."

"The word 'pants' is not inherently funny"

[Ivan]

"I am not known outside of Springfield"

[Jake]

I do not have a Flatulence Range.

I will not phone a friend during tests.

There IS a spoon.

[Sniper Squirrel]

I will not attempt to find the "brown note" during band class

[42 Is The Answer]

Chuck Norris is not overrated...
There are no motherf***ing snakes in the motherf***ing classroom...
That Norwegian Blue parrot is not dead...
A woodchuck cannot chuck wood, therefore the question is irrelevant...
Sideshow Bob is not a radio psychiatrist in Seattle...
I am not a lumberjack, and I am not okay...
I have never "Jumped the Shark"...
42 is always the answer...

[Dewey Finn]

Gymnasium is not a fantasy 'Itchy And Scratchy' world.

I will not fill the water in Mrs. Krabappel's skirt to swim on it.

'Poopy' is not a nickname for Ralph

[Red Hot Homer Simpson]

My Mom Is Not Wonder Woman
A "D" Grade Does Not Mean Distinction
Being 44 And A Virgin Is Not Funny
My Dad Did Not Eat My Homework
I Will Not Pull Martins Pants Down In The School Play
Groundskeeper Willie Did Not Wrestle The Lach Ness Monster
The Flinstones Ripped Off The Honeymooners
Family Guy Was Not Cancelled Because I said so.
Matt Groening Is Not A Fa.. (Gets Cut Off On The Chalkboard)

[Simpsons Forever!]

Four weddings do not need a funeral
"Bart Academy" is not a real school
An ASBO is not something to be proud of

[Red Hot Homer Simpson]

He Doesnt Look A Thing Like Jesus, But He Talks Like A Gentlemen, Like you remember when you were young.


Lol, super long

[Jake]

School Prayer doesn't work on tests.

[Sparks]

Freedom fries are not free.
I will conserve the chalk that is so integral to the chalkboard and by extenstion the school and learning process.
I am not the eggman.
A book report on To Kill a Mockingbird should not involve a BB gun.

[Dewey Finn]

I will not spray itchy powder during show and tell.

I will not write 'BYOB' in school festival fly paper.

'WTF' doesn't mean 'Wednesday, Thursday, Friday'-therefore, it's inappropriate.

Mrs. Skinner doesn't pack Principal Skinner's lunch

The school don't close in Chinese New Year's Day

[Sparks]

I will not undermine the adults of Springfield.

[Lionel Mclure]

Family Guy is not a rip-off of my family
There is not a movie featuring me coming out on 06/07/07
I have never said "Cowabunga" in my life

[banana plantation]

"the amazing race" wasn't executive produced by Hitler

[Jake]

A College Diploma is not a fancy I.O.U.

[Chief Simpson]

Feet are not made of cheese.

[Lardlad!]

I will not appear on the Jerry Springer show

[Jake]

"Hannah" is not the capital of Montanna.

[Jake]

I Will Not Blame lack of School Funding for my F.

[Game Player]

i will not pee in the water fountian...
anymore.

[Game Player]

oh and

i will not spray paint every where i go

(big el barto picture)

see it's el barto not me.

[Gatorgod]

I will open the window next time I'm asked to clap out the chalk erasers

[You Bent My Wookiee]

I will not hack Xbox Live

New seasons are not dumb

I will not trade Runescape Accounts (if you don't get it, its illegal to trade accounts of a game called "Runescape" and since some people do it, I decided to add that in)

Matt Groening is not gay

This is not the worst episode ever

Lying is for whimps

I will not sell my dad on Ebay (there is the kidney one but I had to had to add that)

[banana plantation]

the shovel was never considered groundbreaking technology

[You Bent My Wookiee]

even more :P

I do not torture people for $50,000 in Slovakia

Disco is not dead

Satan did not possess me

My Dad is not Tony Soprano

My mom did not pose for Maxim!

The Simpsons is not a real show

I am not a God among men (F.E.A.R reference)

I will not use internet speech when writing a test

Kent Brockman is not dumbing down and tarting up

Butt Wars is not a career choice

I will not invite Fat Tony to class

Napoleon Dynamite is not our president

[gonz]

bowie is not pronounced bauwie

stale malamar is not a 3rd source of class desk

i did not let the dogs out

[grübermeister]

I will not be bad for the 400th time (for YKASWYW)

sorry that was really crap wasn't it.

[Chief Simpson]

My hair is not connected to my skelton.

I am not the great Landini's discliple.

A tomato is not a vegtable.

Eye before Eee, except after see

Snitch does not rhyme with ANYTHING.

I will not blame my dad for eating my homework

I WILL NOT WRITE IN CAPITALS

My sister is not a starfish.

TXT MSSAGES R NOT PROPR GRAMMA

[You Bent My Wookiee]

last but not least, another one I thought of:

I did not open the gate to Hell (Doom 3 reference)

[Shadow The Hedgehog]

here's a good gag:i will not say shove it to the teacher!

[Simpsons is cool]

I got one.
I WILL NOT COME UP WITH LAME CHALKBOARD JOKES AND POST THEM ON A MESSAGEBOARD

[toanoradian]

I know I will not grew up for at least one more year. (As in, one more season)

I never appeared in the big screen.

'Don't Try This At Home' warnings are also applicable on school.

I will not say that my sister won't become the President of United States.

I will not order a golem to use Principal as a yo-yo.

'Manga' references are a big no-no.

I CAN speak English.

I wlil not agranam aytninhg in my lfie eevr aiagn

This detention is not famous

I will not ask why our latest adventure felt so long. (Simpsons the Movie reference)

I will not be mad if someone reminded me I skateboard naked.

Prank-calling Jack Bauer is suicidal.

I will not plan to destroy Shelbyville without telling the plans to the mayor.

I will not google myself.

If I did google myself, I won't brag that I got three million hits.

I. Will. Not. Use. A. Period. After. Every. Word.

Putting my hand into the paper shredder is not healthy.

Making 1:1 scale guillotine is not an acceptable science project.

I will not say 'I will not.'

Vegetarians are not freaks.

Violence is not the answer.

Heroes always win.

The good side will prevail against darkness.

I will stop saying the opposite of cliches.

I will never spoil the contents of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.

I don't know Matt Groening.

If I'm not a 32 year old woman, I am not older than 32.

I realize that 22 times 20 minutes is not the same as a year. (A season has about 22 20-minutes long episodes, right?)

I am not a cute little girl my nick claimed to be.

I will not abuse the internet access I got.

'Fxxx' is still one of the seven things you couldn't say on TV.

'Eat my shorts' is my trademark that I say whenever I do mischief, not Martin's.

I am not a genius with the I.Q. of 216.

I will not put swearing words into 'Christmas Carol.'

Clown-eating car is a myth.

I will not run before the bell ri (Bart leaves, the bell is not ringing)

My baby sister did not shoot my dad's boss.

If 'a dog eat my homework' is a lame excuse, so is 'my mom cooked my homework.'

I will not be amazed that I keep getting this detention for so many years.

I will not say 'screw it' every time I disagree with something.

I will not read to Wendell 'The Shining.'

I will not mention that the previous two detentions rhymes.

I will not keep a yogurt under my chair for months and then showed it.

I will not argue with blind faith.

I will stop asking questions about the Bible to my History teacher.

Scotlandians are not scary.

I will never say racist jokes.

I will also never say lawyer jokes.

I will never say racist lawyer jokes.

I will not mock any religions except Is (Bart runs)

Jesus is not an evil dancing man.

I am not dead. (Zombie Bart writes this)

I will stop saying 'May the force be with you.'

I will not use 'we were on a BREAK!' as an excuse.

I realize McDonald is copyrighted.

There is nothing special with the pink donut. (The donut on the movie poster)

There is no cartoon that parodied my detention.

Teeth fairy did not steal kid's homeworks.

I will never again pull Santa's beard.

Sorry if this was too long.

[Shaunbadia]

I will not say, "FIRE! FIRE! FIRE! Heh heh".

Don't ask me if O.J. did it.

If pro-wrestling is fixed then I'm Bart Simpson.

Touching yourself DOESN'T make you go blind.

The film "The ring" has nothing to do with the Xbox 360's red ring of death.

Buythedvdandfreezeframeitifyouwanttomakeoutwhatthissays.

I will NOT get laid in the movie.

Homer's ass is NOT a better shield than Comic book guy's.

Anyone that stared at my penis when Homer dared me to skateboard nude is a phedophille.

[toanoradian]

http://www.homerize.com/chalkboard/board.php?line1=Miniskirts+are+for+women&line2=Miniskirts+are+for+women&line3=Miniskirts+are+for+women&line4=Miniskirts+are+for+women&line5=Miniskirts+are+for+wome
http://www.homerize.com/chalkboard/board.php?line1=I+am+not+Freddie+in+disguise&line2=I+am+not+Freddie+in+disguise&line3=I+am+not+Freddie+in+disguise&line4=I+am+not+Freddie+in+disguise&line5=I+am+not+Freddie+in+disguis
http://www.homerize.com/chalkboard/board.php?line1=Why+are+you+looking+at+me&line2=Why+are+you+looking+at+me&line3=Why+are+you+looking+at+me&line4=Why+are+you+looking+at+me&line5=Why+are+you+looking+at+me

[toanoradian]

http://www.homerize.com/chalkboard/board.php?line1=Bartism+is+not+a+religion&line2=Bartism+is+not+a+religion&line3=Bartism+is+not+a+religion&line4=Bartism+is+not+a+religion&line5=Bartism+is+not+a+relig
http://www.homerize.com/chalkboard/board.php?line1=I+do+not+speak+r0088i55h&line2=I+do+not+speak+r0088i55h&line3=I+do+not+speak+r0088i55h&line4=I+do+not+speak+r0088i55h&line5=I+do+not+speak+r0088i55h
The second chalkboard, 'r0088i55sh' means 'rubbish'

[Dr. Nick Riviera]

Pantsing is not a victimless crime

[toanoradian]

http://www.homerize.com/chalkboard/board.php?line1=Bible+is+not+made+by+Shakespeare&line2=Bible+is+not+made+by+Shakespeare&line3=Bible+is+not+made+by+Shakespeare&line4=Bible+is+not+made+by+Shakespeare&line5=Bible+is+not+made+by+Shakes
http://www.homerize.com/chalkboard/board.php?line1=Nuclear+waste+is+dangerous&line2=Nuclear+waste+is+dangerous&line3=Nuclear+waste+is+dangerous&line4=Nuclear+waste+is+dangerous&line5=Nuclear+waste+is+dange

[Dr. Nick Riviera]

I have no idea about what happened to Baby Jane

[Jake]

If I borrow, I must give back
If I borrow, I mus--

[Dewey Finn]

'Happy Days' theme song is not teacher's favorite song

Throwing a dead cat in a graveyard doesn't cure wart

I will not write my name on other's underwear

Viagra or Cialis is not a cure for chicken pox

[simpson93]

http://homerize.com/chalkboard/board.php?line1=i+will+not+tow+skinners+car.&line2=i+will+not+tow+skinners+car.&line3=i+will+not+tow+skinners+car.&line4=i+will+not+tow+skinners+car.&line5=i+will+not+tow+skinners+car.http://homerize.com/chalkboard/board.php?line1=i+nt+sending+u+a+txt+meg.&line2=i+nt+sending+u+a+txt+meg.&line3=i+nt+sending+u+a+txt+meg.&line4=i+nt+sending+u+a+txt+meg.&line5=i+nt+sending+u+a+txt+meg.(I not sending you a text message.)

[Dr. Nick Riviera]

I shall, in accordance with the directive given by my instructor, Ms. Edna Krabappel, endeavor to express myself with an emphasis on conciseness and brevity, all the while avoiding a tendency towards excessive verbosity.

[Lisa Is A Nut]

My hair is not connected to my flesh
Milhouse's parents are not siblings
The world will not end tomorrow
I will not post lame chalk board gags
Mike Scully was a good showrunner
Al Jean does not rule the Earth
My yellow skin is not a disease

[Jake]

I will tie my own shoelaces.

[Dr. Nick Riviera]

I'm not the Lizard King, the Eggman, or the Walrus

[lardofthedance]

I did not hear what the teachers said about Principle Skinner

[Starman]

" 'you think that's bad, what about the time I' is not an acceptable appology"

"Scully did it"

"I will use the whiteboard"

[Dr. Nick Riviera]

sdrawkcab segassem gnitirw pots lliw I

[Starman]

http://www.homerize.com/chalkboard/board.php?line1=Bible+is+not+made+by+Shakespeare&line2=Bible+is+not+made+by+Shakespeare&line3=Bible+is+not+made+by+Shakespeare&line4=Bible+is+not+made+by+Shakespeare&line5=Bible+is+not+made+by+Shakes
http://www.homerize.com/chalkboard/board.php?line1=Nuclear+waste+is+dangerous&line2=Nuclear+waste+is+dangerous&line3=Nuclear+waste+is+dangerous&line4=Nuclear+waste+is+dangerous&line5=Nuclear+waste+is+dange

Where/how did you get those?

----

I will not poison the teacher's coffee.

[toanoradian]

http://www.homerize.com/chalkboard/board.php?line1=Dictionaries+are+not+for+fighting&line2=Dictionaries+are+not+for+fighting&line3=Dictionaries+are+not+for+fighting&line4=Dictionaries+are+not+for+fighting&line5=Dictionaries+are+not+for+fig
http://www.homerize.com/chalkboard/board.php?line1=I+will+not+mock+in+Italian&line2=I+will+not+mock+in+Italian&line3=I+will+not+mock+in+Italian&line4=Maledire+voi+e+la&line5=vostra+detenzione

By the way, starman-the-iconoclast, I got this from Homerize.net.

[Gatorgod]

I will not say "Lock & Load" at the begining of every class.

I will not exploit the teachers Arachnophobia.

[Starman]

http://www.homerize.com/chalkboard/board.php?line1=Dictionaries+are+not+for+fighting&line2=Dictionaries+are+not+for+fighting&line3=Dictionaries+are+not+for+fighting&line4=Dictionaries+are+not+for+fighting&line5=Dictionaries+are+not+for+fig
http://www.homerize.com/chalkboard/board.php?line1=I+will+not+mock+in+Italian&line2=I+will+not+mock+in+Italian&line3=I+will+not+mock+in+Italian&line4=Maledire+voi+e+la&line5=vostra+detenzione

By the way, starman-the-iconoclast, I got this from Homerize.net.
thanks

[plopper the pig]

i will not insult family guy

i will not eat the gum under my chair

i will not impersanit another student

i dont want to be in another really bad video game

i will not make anyone eat my shorts

i will not tamper with school security agin

[I Love Lisa]

http://homerize.com/chalkboard/board.php?line1=I+did+not+steal+the+leg+of+time&line2=I+did+not+steal+the+leg+of+time&line3=I+did+not+steal+the+leg+of+time&line4=I+did+not+steal+the+leg+of+time&line5=I+did+not+steal+the+leg+of+time

[Rebekah]

"I will not watch family guy"
"I will not watch family guy"
Yer good chalkboard gag, I'd like to see that there.

[Jake]

"But it's on Wikipedia!" isn't an excuse...

There has to be snow on a "Snow day"...

I am not the webmaster of Teacher's Myspace Page...

Homerwork is not carbs...

[Starman]

http://homerize.com/chalkboard/board.php?line1=I+am+not+being+filmed&line2=I+am+not+being+filmed&line3=I+am+not+being+filmed&line4=I+am+not+being+filmed&line5=I+am+not+being+filme
http://www.homerize.com/chalkboard/board.php?line1=it+is+not+al+jean+for+jeans+day&line2=it+is+not+al+jean+for+jeans+day&line3=it+is+not+al+jean+for+jeans+day&line4=it+is+not+al+jean+for+jeans+day&line5=it+is+not+al+jean+for+jeans+d
http://www.homerize.com/chalkboard/board.php?line1=Scully+is+not+making+me+do+this&line2=Scully+is+not+making+me+do+this&line3=Scully+is+not+making+me+do+this&line4=Scully+is+not+making+me+do+this&line5=Scully+is+not+making+me+do+t
http://www.homerize.com/chalkboard/board.php?line1=The+Scully+era+was+not+terrible&line2=The+Scully+era+was+not+terrible&line3=The+Scully+era+was+not+terrible&line4=The+Scully+era+was+not+terrible&line5=The+Scully+era+was+not+terrib

[You Bent My Wookiee]

Ralph is not a Hindu god

Al Jean is not behind this

Sesamie Street is not appropiate for minors

My Dad was never in a movie

[Jake]

Knowing is more than half the battle...

Detention isn't an After School Special...

Viagra isn't a vitamin or mineral...

[Jake]

I will not write "Gullible" on the ceiling.

[murraythedemonicskull]

"I will not waste the school's stationary"

[You Bent My Wookiee]

Homosexuality is not an after-school project

[Jake]

Nobody's thinking Arbys...

[Ralph_Wiggum]

Our teacher is not the devil in discuise.

Oh yeah, and I can't get to the Homerize thing, could someone give me a direct link?

[Jake]

I will not "Accidently" fall out the classroom window...

I will not mess with Willie's grass... (Bart snickers)

[Jake]

THIS IS NOT SPARTA...

[Jake]

The Trojan Horse was not made of Latex...

[Elkwood]

That's not Mama Luigi to you, Mario...

[Simpsons_Fanboy]

Life is not like a box of chocolates...

[Rococo Fox]

4th grade is not life in hell.

[Simpsons_Fanboy]

Woodstock was not "a supply of wood ready for sale"...

[Dewey Finn]

When a teacher wants to stay private, let her stay private

[TheSuperiorGerbil]

*I won't tease Willie with a liquor bottle
*I will not superglue the teachers' seat
*I do not have Jaundice
*I should not use "Abortion" as a punchline
*The correct spelling is "Douchebag" (à la Monty Pythons' Life Of Brian)

[Jake]

I will listen when someone says "Don't tase me, bro!"...

[Rococo Fox]

Mrs. Krabappel's myspace is not my space.

[LilyVonSchtupp]

I sticked this, as this a general enough fan-fiction topic.

Anyway, here's some I did from 1998:

I am not an innocent bystander...
I will not invent gods...
I will not turn show and tell into truth or dare...
I will not demand a happy ending...
The Answer is not always 42...
I @m not @n internet addict.com...
Goldfish and Alka Seltzer don't mix...
I will not demand that we "Nuke'em!"
German is not "Bad Language"...
I am not a human vending machine...
I am not on candid camera...
I will not whisper sweet nothings to no one...
My gas is my own business...

Jake

OUTSTANDING!

[simpsonsfan20]

There are no Pink People Out There
There are no Pink People Out There
There are no Pink People Out There
There Are no Pi...

[I Love Lisa]

http://homerize.com/chalkboard/board.php?line1=The+force+is+not+with+me&line2=The+force+is+not+with+me&line3=The+force+is+not+with+me&line4=The+force+is+not+with+me&line5=The+force+is+not+with+me
http://homerize.com/chalkboard/board.php?line1=All+your+base+are+not+belong+to+us&line2=All+your+base+are+not+belong+to+us&line3=All+your+base+are+not+belong+to+us&line4=All+your+base+are+not+belong+to+us&line5=All+your+base+are+not+belong+to+us

[gangman]

I will not ask matt groening for a pay rise....ever
FOX are not out to get me
NHC does not want me around
i will not create a nerd bullying cult

[num-cha]

Well i had about 10 but theve all been used
only one's ive got left is:
I can not slam a revolving door
I can not kill two birds with one stone
I will not talk about fight club
And you can see why they havent been taken!

[Lady Lou]

I won't trade my teacher's cigarettes with joints.

[I-CloWn-I]

i will not continue to destroy the show that made me famous

[Jake]

Batman was not a vampire.

[Dewey Finn]

Mrs. Krabappel did not say 'Let them eat cake'

[You Bent My Wookiee]

I will not discuss my imaginary friend Nancy

[Jake]

My 1986 textbooks are still relevent.

[simpsonsfan20]

The cake is not a lie

[Importer-Exporter]

http://www.nohomers.net/picture.php?albumid=48&pictureid=348

[maxmanapple]

Coke doesn't contain cocaine

[Worst Username Ever]

I will finish m
i WiLl NoT mIx BiG aNd SmAlL lEtTeRs.
I wont typ lyk dis.
I will not throw toy Pokeballs at animals.

[ahhgoobras]

I ate a big pie is not an excuse to get out of school

[Worst Username Ever]

I told you the blackboard would not have|enough room for all this text (| is where the blackboar stops, the rest is written on the wall)

[ahhgoobras]

Obese people are still people

[Worst Username Ever]

I will not mix Coke and Mentos.
I am not a ninja.
The Blue Screen of Death is not deadly.
The mafia did not burrow a corpse in the school playground.
I will not feed the hamster Squishees.
I do not make up these myself.
I will not advertise for the amazing, awesome Krusty Burger.
I will not put advertisements on the school bill board.
I will not steal cookies from the cookie jar.
I I will will only only write write every every word word once once.
I will not tell Ralph about the "toilet monster".

[maxmanapple]

I will not write with iMac (writes with Apple Myriad typeface and uses Apple logo as a period)
I will not try to pollute Springfield (Bart is seen writing on the chalkboard inside a smog cloud)
Airplanes are not plane
I will not "try this at home"
NHC doesn't stand for Naked Hot Chicks
I will not try to drive a chainsaw (writes with his mouth because his arms were chopped)
I will not try to break BBC auto-broadcasters (seen with some static and interpherence)
Sewers aren't fit for living
Asthma is not a toy
Lisa is way prettier than me
I will not write like a girl (writes with little hearts on "i" letters, with junior school typeface and every word has a different colour)
Milhouse is not gay
I will not "Heil Hitler"
I can believe it's not butter
I will not call 911 for no reason
Portugal it's not "Little Spain"
TiVo is not my girlfriend
I will not kill bugs with a rifle
I'm just spending chalk
Oil doesn't have a sequel
GTA IV is not my role model
I'm not going anymore to YouPorn
We're tired of the "duuun", Apple!
I will not try to bodyboard the net
GET LINUX GET LINUX GET LIN...
There aren't such thing as DVD Triple Layer
I'm going to be arrested for downloading torrents. Why the fu...
Obama isn't a terrorist
I will not steal Jake's art for drawing here (writes on 2/3 of the chalkboard, on the other 1/3 he draws Monica Simpson)
"Earth" is not a valid location for a form
I will not create Cherry Computer Inc (seen wearing a white t-shirt with a cherry drawn like Apple logo)
First Aid is not helping anyone first
I will not "tune" my dad's car
I will not wear Lisa's stuff (bart seen wearing a light pink dress with dark pink tights and eyeshadows/enamel of the same color. Also with mascara, a bracelet, earrings and pink perl necklace. Instead of skate, he would get off the school riding a pink Segway Turbo)
The "Drunken Clam" thread has nothing to do with Family Guy
Donald Duck is not from Springfield
Matt Groening should never retire himself (bart seen "unfinished")
CatDog is not a DNA mistake
Pepsi and Coca-cola aren't the same drink
7up is not classier than Sprite
Jenny Wakeman is not running Mac OS X Leopard
Coca-cola isn't british
I should not interrupt Lisa when she's f****** her boyfriend in the bed. Oh, i meant studying...
I will not hack iPhone for Verizon use
Mercedes-Benz is not Hitler's father
The Beatles were not a bunch of singing cars (Beatles = Beetles)
Poor people should not be killed
I don't want to go to Gori, Georgia
The Federal Alarm is not a toy
I will not write on Morse code (every even line is written on morse code)
I don't want to be a Millonaire
I'm not the Weakest Link
I'm not dead...yet
I will not watch The Simpsons
I'm not a DJ "chicka chicka" not a DJ
Alice Deejay is not my half-sister
Still President Bush is not an old zombie
I can't believe my voice is a lady!!!
You can't live on Second Life
Keyboards are not forbidden in forums
Wal-Mart is not a chinese warehouse!
Beijing is not being cleaned only for the Olympics
I'm not a drug dealer
bartholomewafc says: i wil nt uz msn in scul
Candy is not currency
We aren't in risk of nuclear meltdown
I will not kill Burns
My dad is not a torrent uploader. visit www.homertorrents.com (http://www.homertorrents.com)
I'm not Slim Simpson
I will not shut up and drive
I didn't create disco
No one is watching me
Pussycat Dolls aren't really cats
Moonlite Bunnyranch is not Child TV
I didn't found the Lost crew
Pizza Hut is not a house made of pizza
The Pope doesn't have Alzheimer
Rhythm is not a dancer
DownloadNova is a ripoff!
DVD+R and DVD-R aren't the same thing
I will not go on a "viaje para buscar los sonidos magicos"
Ilona Mitrecey is not a "french american"
Duracell is not "life-long"
AMD is not a complete s***
I'm not a Sailor Moon
Dragon Ball is not a ball made of dragon skin
I will not write on other languages. Je ne va pas écrire en langues differents. No voy escribir in linguages diferentes. Não vou escrever em linguas diferentes.
I will not celebrate good times "come on" !
Limit carbon dioxide to 4 parts per million
Nintendo DS doesn't prints money

[Jake]

The Ghost of Christmas past was not Jesus.

My last "F" was not an accident.

[EthanRunt]

I will not buy the new Futurama DVD (Artwork carefully placed oh so subtly in the right hand side of the screen)

Chemical Bombardment is not part of the science curriculum.

Queer Duck isn't just a little off.

I am not Russian substitute Ivan Otgotadich.

[Jake]

Going Green has nothing to do with "Bling"

[simpsonsfan20]

SARAH PALIN IS NOT STUPID, ONLY DUMB

[X-Thunder]

I Have A Few:

"I'm not the Massiah i'm a very naughty boy!"
"I'm not the strongest kid in the world"
"I will not thow gum in class"
"I'm not a Docter"
"I'm not a Brave Knight"
"I will not tell stories about Vomit"
"I'm not a Monkeys Uncle"
"I will not dig tunnels underground"

[troymclure17]

Let me take a wack at it:

I will not lie (crosses fingers behind his back)
Martin is not a queer.
Eating my shorts is not good for peoples help.
There is nothing funny about the word "Tromboner"

[MunkeyBoxx]

Principal Skinner is not the son of Satan
Krusty the Klown is not Jesus

[Dewey Finn]

'Crapshoot' game is not really shooting craps

[Jake]

A Potato gun was not invented by the IRA

[MunkeyBoxx]

I do not have Jesus Pee
Playboy is not an educational punishment
Ralph does not lick Rat Feces
Marijuana is not a gift from God
Troy McClure is not a Pornstar
McBain is not Swartznegger's twin
Family Guy is not a cheap rip-off
Ned Flanders is not a Religious Pedophile
I will not throw my booger collection at Skinner's face

[Rich Uncle Skeleton]

Ha, every one of Jake's posts in this thread has literally made me laugh out loud. Good stuff, man. I did have a small list I made up for a section on Simpson Crazy that never happened...I'll try and dig it up.

[SimpsonManiac]

I Am not Elbarto
Bender and Fry is Not Homer Simpson halved.

[Jake]

I'll only be worried about what's in MY wallet.